After I finished showering a few days ago, I saw there was nothing hanging on the towel rack. So I took the Lord’s name in vain, stepped one foot onto the rug, and bent down to grab a clean towel from underneath the sink. And I felt something weird happening in the butt region.
Alarmed, I stood up, which only made matters worse. For a split second I couldn’t figure out what was happening, and was beset by panic and confusion. I don’t like it when I can’t get a good read on what’s going on with my ass.
Turns out, the cold, wet edge of the shower curtain was in my crack. Like an ATM card being swiped. And when I went bolt upright there was a clenching action, and I nearly pulled down the entire curtain/rod assembly.
The rod was in a state of distress, and made a noise like it was about to give way. But I couldn’t instantly separate myself from the curtain — it was in there pretty deep, and I found out how difficult it is to reverse an ass-clamping; once one has been activated, it’s not an easy thing to undo.
All this happened in a second or two… But I raised my butt a bit, to relieve the tension on the rod, and tried to shake the curtain loose. So, my ass was in the air, and I was wagging it like a dancer on Soul Train. But it wouldn’t release. My butt was like a cocker spaniel playing tug-of-war with a tube sock.
I had to physically reach my hands back there, and part the cheeks. But the curtain STILL wasn’t finished with me. It was now suctioned to one wall of the canyon. Good god! Have you ever experienced the sensation of clammy wet vinyl fused to a crack wall? It’s disconcerting, to say the least.
But I was now able to pull away, and the episode was finally brought to an end. And aren’t you guys glad you’re subscribed to the mailing list? Ha!
Before I call it a week here I want to invite you — once again — to LIKE the new Facebook page. So far I’ve just been using it to post Further Evidence-style photos and links I’ve discovered while trolling for filth on the internet. But I have some plans to do other things there, as well. So, don’t miss out. LIKE it today, right now, before you get distracted and start thinking about pasta and Netflix.
I don’t really have a question for you guys, so I’ll just ask about your plans for the weekend.
I’m going to work in the yard on Sunday, and try to bring it up to code. The bushes need trimmed, and that sort of thing. My nipples are exploding with delight… What about you? Any big plans?
Have a great day, my friends!
I’ll see you again on Monday.
It’s the weekend: buy Jeff a beer!