The current situation: Our boys are in Florida, living it up with my parents. And Toney is in New York City, staying at some fancy-pants hotel with Nancy. So, that leaves me and Andy here at Chez Kay, trapped inside by a snowstorm.
We took the hooligans to the Philadelphia airport on New Years Day, to catch a plane to Tampa (I think). I worked the night before, and had to get up at the butt crack of dawn the next morning, so they could make their pre-noon flight. The good news: The turnpike was almost abandoned; everybody was presumably home sleeping it off, like civilized human beings.
While Toney and I stood by, to make sure the boys got through security with no issues, we heard someone shouting, “Oh God! Oh my God!! Lord Jesus!” It sounded like an old black man, and it was unnerving. What was going on?? I thought somebody had had a heart attack, or a person was waving a knife around, or something.
I went toward the shouting, to see if I could figure it out. And I saw a twitchy TSA worker, standing by himself, shouting all that stuff. Unprovoked, as far as I could tell… There was something going on with this dude — he wasn’t right. He was just standing in the middle of the floor, with nobody near him, yelling, “Oh lawdy! Dear God!!” He was white, but sounded like Scatman Crothers in distress.
However, when a passenger would approach, he’d snap out of it and act semi-normal. He even joked around, and was one of the “fun” security guys. Then he’d start hollering again, as soon as the task was completed: “Oh my Gawd!!”
I simply don’t understand. Tourrettes maybe?
The boys texted us and said they were boarding the plane, so we made a beeline for Cracker Barrel. I had a powerful hankerin’ for the Old Timer’s Breakfast. But it was full-on pandemonium. The woman behind the presidential podium informed us it would be “at least” an hour wait for a table. So, we went down the street to an IKEA store, to pass the time.
We bought quite a bit of IKEA stuff during previous lifetimes, and it all required hours of construction. A giant bookcase, for instance, comes in an impossibly small box. As we walked through that labyrinth of low-end end tables, I remembered this old cartoon I enjoyed years ago:
I found some really cool British-style pub glasses I wanted to buy, but there were roughly 10 people with flatbed carts at every checkout. So, funk dat. I dropped the four-pack of glasses in a dump bin of cookie cutters, and we returned to The Barrel. And as we walked through the front door, someone shouted through an amplification device: “Jeff! Party of two!! Jeff!” Perfect timing.
It sounds like the boys are having a great time with my mom and dad. Yesterday they took a boat out into the Gulf of Mexico, and saw dolphins, etc. The older boy — the one that will occasionally let down his guard and show emotion — was going on and on about how cool it was.
I’m glad it’s going well. My parents have been wanting to do this for a while, and we finally got it together. They’re going to Disney, and some other amusement park, as well. Hollywood Studios? Is that a real place? I don’t have the energy to Google it.
Yesterday the older boy texted me the following, about my folks: “They refuse to eat at KFC because of an isolated incident that occurred in 1972.” I laughed, because I know all about that incident, and my parents’ unparalleled ability to hold a grudge. I’ve been hearing about that piece of raw chicken my dad bit into, for most of my life. And they’ve literally never been back. Heh. Forty-three years and counting.
How are you at holding grudges of that sort? I always weaken. I have a fire in my belly for a while… then I lose the passion and go back. How about you? Anything remarkable to report on voting with your feet? Tell us about it, won’t you?
Nancy is in NYC for some kind of blowhardy conference, possibly with some of these people, and invited Toney to join her. Nancy’s employer is paying for an expensive room in an expensive hotel, and Toney’s piggybacking on that deal. She drove over there this morning, and has already sent me several texts about all the “pretentious douches” filling that place. But it’ll be good for her to get out of the rut of our crazy life for a while. Even if it’s with Nancy.
And I need to call it a day here, my friends. I’m starting my new novel, and hope to get two or three chapters finished before Toney returns tomorrow evening. Wish me luck. I’m excited to get into it. I’ve been thinking about it so much it’s starting to creep into my dreams a bit. It’s time.
See you again soon!