According to this article, there was a script written for Seinfeld, during the early days of the show, in which Elaine contemplated buying a gun for protection. But the cast and crew supposedly balked at the idea, and “refused” to work on it. Refused? If that part’s true, it’s pretty ballsy for a bunch of people just eight episodes into a network TV show. Especially one that wasn’t doing so well in the ratings. Ya know?
In any case, I kind of agree with them. It doesn’t seem right. They certainly pushed the envelope with that show, but Elaine buying a gun and joking about doing “The Kennedy” feels a little tone-deaf to me. It’s not authentic; it doesn’t feel like Elaine.
It got me to thinking, though… Wonder what script ideas were rejected by other successful sitcoms? I could probably do some research on it, and come up with a few tidbits o’ information. But that would require too much work. I’d rather just write my own, and turn it over to you guys, to do the same.
And so, today let’s tackle The Brady Bunch. If all goes well… we can do other shows in the future. How’s that sound? Good, let’s get started!
Here are some of my rejected Brady script ideas:
- Greg and Marcia are repeatedly caught making out, which horrifies their parents. But they defend themselves by reminding everyone they’re not REALLY brother and sister. “And he’s HOT!” Marcia adds. To lighten the mood a bit, there’s a lengthy scene in which Greg struggles to unclasp Marcia’s bra. Exasperated, he finally says, “It would be easier to get into Fort Knox!” Followed by uproarious canned laughter.
- When a black family moves into the neighborhood Mr. and Mrs. Brady exchange looks of concern, but stay silent on the matter. However, when Peter takes a liking to the oldest daughter, Quintabitha, they know they must act.
- Jan falls in with the wrong crowd at school, and begins breaking into houses. After their fence, Bumpy, is unexpectedly arrested and sent to federal prison, they’re stuck with all the loot. So, Jan hides the stuff she and her friends have stolen in the garage, and all around the house. There are hilarious scenes in which Jan runs around frantically, trying to keep people from noticing.
- Cindy becomes despondent because she’s almost 14 years old, and hasn’t yet “sprung a pube.” Everybody tries to console her, including Bobby. But he makes a tactical error and mentions that he only got pubic hair six months prior, which sends her spiraling once again. Mr. Brady calls in a favor, and ex-Dodger great Gil Hodges swings by the house, and assures Cindy that he didn’t get pubes until he was nearly 15.
- Because of a mix-up at a lab, Alice is informed she has advanced cancer of the anus, with only a few months to live. She takes the opportunity to tell each of the Bradys exactly how she feels about them, and it’s not pretty. She calls Mrs. Brady, for example, “a classic cunt.” After she finds out about the mistake, and that she actually possesses “the anus of a high school junior,” she has plenty of egg on her face.
- In the final episode of a season, the beloved Brady home burns to the ground, due to faulty wiring, and Bobby is lost to smoke inhalation.
Let’s keep it going! Please post your rejected Brady Bunch script ideas in the comments section.
And I’ll see you guys again next time.
Have a great day!
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