Sure Signs of Aging: I’m Noticing a Few. How About You?

smoking ladyI know many of you aren’t as old as I am. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m generally the oldest bastard at any gathering now. I don’t like it, but live with it; the alternatives aren’t all that appealing to me. However, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that all of you are getting older. I know it’s a bold statement, but I’m standing behind it.

And today I’d like to know if you’ve noticed anything happening. You know, with your body, or what you can and can’t eat, or anything else to do with aging. I’ll tell you about the stuff I’ve noticed, and you folks can take it from there.

My knees are no longer reliable agents

I’m sure this has more to do with the excess load I’ve put on my skeleton than getting older, but my knees are a little questionable. They don’t hurt, but squatting or kneeling is something I try to avoid.

You know, because I can’t get back up… I basically have to put the heel of one of my hands on some surface, and use one or both of my arms to take the pressure off my knees. It’s an old man redistribution scheme: spread the pressure around, so the knees don’t have to handle it all themselves.

And if there’s no surface with which to redistribute… it’ll be quite a scene. There will be stops and starts, a great deal of grimacing, and possibly a full collapse followed by a turtle-on-its-back floor wallow.

I’m glad they don’t hurt, but they’re not what they used to be. There’s definitely been some degradation in the knee department through the years.

My hair gets grayer with each passing day

At this point there’s still quite a bit of black in there, but the gray is taking over. When I get a haircut I’m always shocked by what rains down on the communal apron.

It looks to be 80% gray! When it’s still attached to my head I’d put it closer to 50%, but it seems to get grayer the moment it’s set free. I don’t really understand this, but it causes some low-level anxiety.

It is what it is, though. There will be no Grecian Formula for this guy. What’s it matter at this point? I mean, seriously.

People say I can’t hear, but they need to stop mumbling

I don’t know what to make of this. Toney and the boys are always saying I can’t hear anymore, but they mumble. Especially the boys. Enunciate, goddammit! Stop talking down the collar of your shirt, and maybe we can have a normal conversation.

But I do admit… my ears aren’t the greatest. I’ve had problems with them all my life. They get sealed off, for reasons unknown, and I walk around with my equilibrium in a state of flux. Plus, there have been one hell of a lot of rock shows through the years. Dinosaur Jr. alone has inflicted a great deal of damage. Holy hell!

Apparently I’m developing droopy old-man balls

Perhaps I’m a little too close to the situation, but I just can’t see it… Everything seems to be status quo down there. It’s not like I have a tube sock of flesh swinging around.

But about five years ago I noticed something new happening. I was constantly uncomfortable, and needed to make many adjustments throughout the day. And this has led to a slow-motion search for the perfect underwear.

I can no longer just go to Target and buy a bale o’ drawers for $16, or whatever. I’ve had to take it up a notch. Hanes and Fruit of the Loom are cheap and become baggy and loose within 20 minutes. And I can’t have that. The shit needs to be contained.

And the reason it’s slo-mo, is because it’s shockingly expensive. When you start dabbling in the world of high-end underwear, mister, you’d better hang onto your wallet.

The part that sucks: many of the expensive or semi-expensive products are no better than the K-Mart stuff. Oh, I’ve been burned. If I’m wearing a pair of $12 underwear, there shouldn’t still be a glacier effect going on. Ya know? Nothing should be on the move.

I’ve been searching for years, and still haven’t found the perfect solution. These are relatively inexpensive, and so far the closest to what I’m looking for. I’d rate ’em an 80 out of 100. But I feel like I can do better, so the quest continues. I hope I haven’t ruined your lunch…

And that about covers it. I can still eat whatever I want, and don’t get heartburn or any of that nonsense. And I don’t have any serious health issues, thank God. I do take blood pressure pills, a very low dosage. I think it’s going relatively well, so far. I seem to be gaining weight in my head, which is concerning. But nothing too earth-shattering.

What about you? What have you noticed changing over the past few years? Please tell us about it in the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again next time.

Have a great day!

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Comments

  1. t-storm says:

    Get a midget with an inverted bowler hat to walk under you at all times.

  2. Phil Jett says:

    I wish graying was my issue. It is the lack of hair that is killing me. I look like I’m wearing a flesh tone yarmulke all the time and I’ve never stepped into a Synagogue in my life!

  3. I’m older than your, so…sorry, what was the question?

    Heh.

    At 52 years of age, my thyroid has quit and the blood pressure was going for high score, so I’m on a couple of meds. I burp a lot more than I used to, and have noticed the effects of gravity on the chestal area. It’s all a slow melt into the inevitable blobbyness of old(er) age, and I don’t care for it one bit but haven’t as yet taken any steps as drastic as exercise to combat it. Going for the most dramatic’ before’ picture possible, you might say.

  4. I’m developing an alarming number of white hairs. White, not grey. I feel sort of lucky because I have a lot of much older cousins on my dad’s side of the family and most of them were completely grey by their mid-30s, so I’ve at least gotten some extra time. I think my time is almost up, though.

    Then there’s my back, which decided to cripple me for no reason last week. It’s better now, but I can feel the problem lurking. Everyone kept saying, “What did you do?” NOTHING! I just lived my life and my back went bad because I am getting old. Hmmph.

  5. Swami Bologna says:

    Age 53 here. Here’s a summary of my aging process:

    Age 10 to 20: Think of a naked woman, get a boner. After 20, that no longer does the trick.

    Age 20 to 30: See a naked woman, get a boner. After 30, that no longer does the trick.

    Age 30 to 40: Play with a naked woman’s boobies, get a boner. After 40, that no longer does the trick.

    Age 40 to 50: Play with a naked woman’s cooter, get a boner. After 50, that no longer does the trick.

    Post 50: Just hope the naked woman knows enough tricks and techniques to get the lil’ feller to respond.

  6. I see a woman on the bus from time to time who dresses like the woman in the photo. She’s in her 70s/80s and wears those sweatpants with PINK written on the backside.

    My nose hairs are now grey/white.

    • Dorothy B. Raught says:

      That woman is me, I think. Everything I have is lower or has completely disappeared. I went to bed one night looking like Elizabeth Taylor and woke up looking like Yasser Arafat. apparently my eyebrows marched down to my chin during the night. Last week tho, my hair was white but this week it’s a nice lo-lighted brown. heh.

    • madz1962 says:

      wait until the pubes start changing colors. Also, my eyebrows are going grey/white.

      • Oh no! Pubes change color too? Damn. I!ve been pretty gray on top for years (I’m 57) but pubes still dark. Ain’t that somethin’. Pubes go gray, too. Huh.

        I totally love this blog, BTW.

        • father bob says:

          My pubes went all gray somewhere along the line so I cut em all off. Keep it nice and trimmed down there so when ladies see it they think I am a kid.( And as many ladies see it as possible). Now my chest hair is going gray. Not sure what to do about that. Ladies any suggestions??

      • Jeannette says:

        Dude. I’m 32 and I have enough white eyebrow hair that it’s noticeable if I don’t have some one-on-one time with my eyebrow pencil that morning. I’m fucked, man.

  7. I’m 53, and I had hemorrhoids for the first time, a few weeks ago. I will never joke about such things ever again. It was painful, but the worst part was not being able to see what was actually happening down there. I considered taking a picture with my phone, but couldn’t go through with it. With my luck, I would have accidentally posted it to Facebook or something. I told my doctor about it, but she didn’t order a battery of diagnostic tests or anything. She just shrugged like it was all part of the deal.

  8. madz1962 says:

    With me it’s the goddamn eyesight. I’ve worn glasses forever but now I have to take my glasses off to see up close (even though my glasses are glorified bi focals). And I’ve done them all – the 2 contacts – one for distance, one for reading, the transgressions, etc. I HAVE to get pedicures because I simply cant’ see my dog claws. Trust me, the last thing I am is high maintenance but I had to resign myself to the fact that it’s best to leave the pups to the professionals.

    • Oh yeah, that too. I can actually see pretty well with my glasses on, but I usually wear contacts and I can’t read small print with them anymore at all. And forget about menus in dim restaurants.

    • I’m right there with ya on the pedicure thing. I used to do them myself. About two years ago, I started realizing…. “hey…I can’t see my toes.” I can still do my own fingernails, though. So that’s something. I guess.

  9. The mumbling is infuriating. I heard an oriental in cracker barrel order a “coconut tea” and repeat herself five times. They kept telling her they didn’t have “coconut tea” and she finally wrote down what she wanted on a piece of paper: “a coke and a tea”. Jesus. I hurt when I get up every morning. My back and legs. Shit.

  10. Bill in WV says:

    At 51, I have rheumatoid arthritis that is beginning to control parts my life and cause me pain. I have been told that there are drugs to stop the progression, but also have been told that one of the main side effects is DEATH!! All I can do is continue to move to keep the joints loose and take Aleev every 2-3 days to keep the agonizing pain to a minimum. Hope Aleev keeps it’s hold on this shit, otherwise I just might have to go the DEATH drug route.

    • I feel your pain. Last month I had a particularly bad storm and took a right smart more ibuprofen (my pill of choice) than I had any right to and commenced with the most god-awful nosebleeds. Just out of the blue every day for a solid two weeks. Scared us pretty good. Since then, I’ve been gritting teeth and getting through, just not very graciously. No Enbrel for me, thank you very much. My mom took it and had not one cancer, but two different strains that killed her quick. Uh huh, not yet. Yeah, I’m 58 now, but I’ll be 60 next year.

      • I took Enbrel for a year and had “brain spins”. I told my doctor, who shrugged and chalked it up to nerves. The spins got so bad that I quit the Enbrel and changed doctors.
        I told my new doctor about the spins. His eyes got wide and he said, “Those weren’t spins. They were SEIZURES!” Turns out I’m allergic to Enbrel ..

        • Wait…WHAT?!?! I HATE when doctors just dismiss very real and very dangerous symptoms. “Oh, that medicine is causing your heart to fail and/or making your lips and throat swell? You have to take the bad with the good!” Whatever, so-called “educated person.” I’m going elsewhere.

          Glad you cut that clown loose!

  11. Ahhh! My Amazon history…

  12. boogerP says:

    underwear wise. Don’t go more expensive, just go smaller. I wear x-large in everything else, but go medium in grundies. Also a medium wife beater tucked in to the underwear helps me. It’s like a grown up onsie. Keeps everything squared away. Is this a symptom of aging? Chalked it up to my girth and ball size. Now I know.

  13. Erica in Charlotte says:

    Geez, I’m depressed after reading all this and the comments. I’m 42, and all of this is in my immediate future. I’ve been getting white hairs since my early 30s (hereditary + 2 smartass kids), just got glasses this year, got the unexpected chin hairs going on… you’re telling me it’s all downhill from here, quite literally???

  14. Skippy in WV says:

    Mrs Skippy has a HORRIBLE habit of mumbling, she tells me all the time, “you’re deaf”. No, my dear, you don’t speak so you can be heard. I’ve got arthritis in one shoulder, a bad knee, and a number of foot problems, and I’m only 34. Fun fuckin yay. I hope I can still get around in 20 years.

  15. madz1962 says:

    Oh and another thing I just recently noticed. I can’t hoist my laptop bag over my shoulder. I mean, I CAN but my neck has been hurting like a sumbitch and it feels like my spine is all out of whack. My neck actually cracks now and that noise sets my teeth on edge.

  16. johnthebasket says:

    The details are too demoralizing, but the summary was best put by Leonard Cohen . . .

    Well my friends are gone and my hair is grey
    I ache in the places where I used to play
    And I’m crazy for love but I’m not coming on
    I’m just paying my rent every day
    Oh in the Tower of Song
    I said to Hank Williams: how lonely does it get?
    Hank Williams hasn’t answered yet
    But I hear him coughing all night long
    A hundred floors above me
    In the Tower of Song

    jtb

  17. johnthebasket says:

    I used to check out the pretty ladies when I was driving around my town; now I check out the locations of public rest rooms for future emergencies.

    John

  18. I’m 60. Ugh. Yesterday I saw a TV commercial for Golden Coral’s Early Bird Special. $7.99. 2-4 p.m. Ages 60 and older. Fuck you.

    TW and I recently did a “reset” at a health retreat. We’d been saving for something big for our 35th anniversary, and after seeing the results attained by a couple of friends who’d gone, we decided to do something to try to reverse the steady decline in our health.

    So…we went and experienced 2 weeks of exercising for a couple of hours/day (which would never happen at home), healthy menus (no salt, sugar, fat), education to learn the how’s and why’s of what can only be called American Diseases (high BP, diabetes, cardiovascular disease), and education re: being able to make the lifestyle changes that allow us to bring the program home. I left there 15 pounds lighter (a small child. Unfortunately, I had triplets, so there’s a lot more to go) and off BP and cholesterol meds. It was all medically supervised, with blood draws and BP readings happening regularly. All of my blood numbers were down 25% from start to finish, so that they’re now all in “optimal” ranges. I was amazed at what could be accomplished in just 2 weeks, health-wise.

    It can be done. We continue to follow the healthy lifestyle (making time for exercise, eating lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, and cutting our salt/sugar/fats–especially oils), and the good results continue to accumulate.

    Our takeaway from the “program”: We’re all going to die. It’s simply a choice–when do you want to die, and in what condition do you want to be when you’re alive?

    I used to blame my knees for my inability to get up off of the floor. It wasn’t my knees, it was my overall lack of being in shape. It turns out that for me, the remedy for not being able to get my ass off the floor was to put my ass down on the floor and get up, again and again. They called it exercise. And diet. I’d heard those words before, but didn’t pay them much attention. Now I do, and things have changed for the better.

    Those people from Golden Coral can still go fuck themselves.

    • I hope that retreat at least allowed you cigarette breaks.
      .

      • madz1962 says:

        Chill, I just choked – literally choked – on a sip of coffee reading this. My eyes are still tearing! Thank you for the excellent laugh.

    • Interesting, I need to do something like this. Do you genuinely think you’ll stick with it?

      I’m 42. I weigh ~35lbs too much. My knees ache, duh. I get out of breath if I run up 3 flights of stairs. I used to be damn fit, the 30 inch jeans are now 38 inch 🙁

      How’d that happen? Steak pies and beer for dinner tonight.

      • Yeah, i’ll stick with it. I was a top high school and college athlete, and also found myself out of breath after limited exertion. Stairs were avoided. 3 flights? No way. A good desk job begat sedentariness ™ Now…well, things are better. Dramatically so. It’s difficult not to evangelicize, so i’ll stop. Kind of like an ex-smoker.

  19. Jeremy Wiley says:

    I also blame Dinosaur Jr for my loss in hearing. Why do they have to be so damn loud? Oh well they put on a fabulous show!

  20. I’m 44 and deteriorating rapidly.

    My knees sound like they’re full of ground glass when I go up the stairs. And now he right one hurts when I run. This is a recent development and I wear a knee brace to work on days when I might be called upon to run. It doesn’t eliminate the pain but it helps with keeping the pain under control.

    Lots of gray hair above and a few below.

    Bifocals about 2 years ago.

    I have some I my heart beats so I’m on a beta blocker. The cardiologist says it’s stress related. He might be right.

    On Saturday I took my 8 year old daughter to a zip line park. I was up there chasing her around a squirrel obstacle course and it was hard. It was rated for kids, the equivalent of a bunny hill if we were skiing. Eleven years ago I’d have done the whole course at a run and never broke a sweat.

    I used to be superman. What happened?

    Also, try Costcos Kirkland boxer briefs. I go a size down, as someone else mentioned above. But they’re higher in spandex and don’t get saggy after a 12 or 16 hour shift.

  21. I think I’ve been generally lucky. I wear glasses, but I have done so since age 6. I’ve *always* had trouble understanding what the mumblers were saying, even as a kid. My hearing loss is worse in the left ear, thanks to the RCA TR-60, and to driving with the window open. The Piper Cherokee was no help either.

    I’ve noticed a grey hair here and there in the last year or so. I’ll be 56 in two weeks.
    .

  22. Off topic:

    Apperantly my town is the Humming Bird Voyerism capital of the world. This fact and execution of associated activity wrecked my day, my office’s day, two Bn Cmdrs afternoons, and the week of about 20 students.

    Fuck you, humming bird perverts.

  23. Check out Duluth Trading Co. for the undies. If nothing else, their marketing approach can be pretty humorous.

  24. Minipeds in NOLA says:

    I have a question for all of you: At what age did hangovers become a two-day affair? I swear at 26 I could shoot Jameson and stay up til 4am… Now at 28 I wonder if I’ll make it to work on Monday from having too much wine on Friday night.

    • When I was 23 I could stay awake for three days, with strategic drinking the whole time. At 27, not so much.

      Since then, I have discovered a preventive measure: before you go to bed, drink as much water as you can stand. Get up in the middle of the night to pee, and drink more water since you’re up anyway. The hangover will suck a lot less, and maybe even be only one day.
      .

      • Minipeds in NOLA says:

        Nice!

        • revashane says:

          Vodka tonic, vodka and water. You will impress your friends when ordering and they will be more impressed when you dont have the massive hangover. No kidding, the less crap mixed in alcohol lessens the hangover. Get off the wine, its for dinner not getting drunk.

          • Go out drinking with your friends, then call them the next morning at 7am wanting to go for a bike ride. It’s all part of Building The Legend.
            .

  25. Not Oprah says:

    lol, will be 50 in a few weeks – feel the pains myself but try to ignore. Maturity is for suckers are we in denial?

  26. Under Armour boxer briefs (if you can get over the marketing and “protect this house” advertising). Get the ‘original’ series and your life will change forever. They are expensive ($20/ea) but they get the job done. I bought 10 pair in 2007 before going to Iraq and 7 years later they are still going strong – through running marathons to marathon farting sessions they hold up like no other. I should be getting paid for this endorsement.

    http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/mens-the-original-boxerjock-verbiage-boxer-briefs/pid1230229-010

  27. Anybody ever wake up to a 1/4″ long hair that wasn’t there the night before growing out of a spot on your face that you don’t normally ever have to shave or possibly out of your earlobe? Me neither, asking for a friend.

    • Or one full inch, says my friend. The ol’ Grandpa Eyebrow thing. But we have tweezers nowadays.
      .

  28. I’ll second the underarmour boxer jock recommendation. I got enough to last a full laundry rotation 5 years ago and they’re still going strong. Just make sure you get the longer inseam.

  29. Jaymack says:

    I used to be able to shoot a load about 2 feet. now I’m lucky to get a dribble.

  30. Is that a picture of George Burns’ twin crossdressing brother?

    Normal aches and pains, slower recovery time from drinking and an explosion of eyebrow hairs, those things grow like kelp.

    • That may be a picture of Rhea Pearlman, taken during the time that she was separated from Danny DeVito

      • Or one of those time-elapsed “what they will look like in 5 years” photos of Lindsey Lohan

  31. Lew in Bama says:

    At a mere 38, I’m already doing metamucil twice a day (it’s great for cholesterol, dropped 50 pts) and I’ve been on acid reflux meds for over a decade.
    I’ve had a colonoscopy, 2 upper endoscopys, a uterine-lift, and bunion surgery on both feet, and I haven’t even turned 40 or had kids yet.
    My gray hairs are multiplying daily, which is why my visits to the hair salon for more blonde are getting more frequent.
    Luckily my face and figure have held up, so people tell me I look like I’m in my 20’s…however the inside of this body is struggling.
    I’m not excited about what I got coming.

  32. Ron in PA says:

    WOW!!! Thanks to all of you for these posts. I feel sooooo much better about myself now!!! Damn my life is good!!!
    Because it is ALL about ME!!

  33. johnthebasket says:

    I fell and gouged the shit out of my leg a little over a week ago. I drove myself to the ER, and they cleaned me up and gave me two very powerful antibiotics to take for 10 days. Naturally, after a couple of days, my digestive system put itself on hold, and I needed a jump start. Here is my conclusion:

    The natural taste of prune juice is a powerful argument against the existence of a benign, loving, merciful God, who, if extant, would confine that kind of taste to black holes and quasars.

    I’ve now started taking probiotics, but my digestive path is already fucked from stem to stern.

    This kind of domino effect didn’t happen when I was younger. Then, it was gouge/bandage/back to the game. Now everything takes 20 times longer and involves considerably more drama.

    And it’s too late to hope I die before I get old. Even though things they do look awful c-c-cold.

    John

    • I hope that I get old before I die. Although that mission may already be accomplished, depending on your perspective.
      .

    • madz1962 says:

      Antibiotics wreak havoc with your plumbing no matter what age. Feel better now?

      • I have never noticed any plumbing damage from antibiotics. It could be that I overlooked it in the general misery of whatever brought on the antibiotics, or it could be that I’ve never had the wicked powerful ones.
        .

        • Many antibiotics are indiscriminate killers of bacteria of all kinds, including helpful bacteria in the gut.

          Sometimes they end up creating an opportunity for an infection called c. diff. It causes intractable diarrhea.

          The really cool part is that a very effective cure is a poop transplant. They put it down through your throat and into your small bowel. Some docs feel that the best poop comes from a family member in the same household.

          • Thanks for the clarification. Man, that’s some good shit!
            .

          • johnthebasket says:

            Jorge . . .

            That’s good information, but I spent thirty-five years in Corporate America and another seven or eight consulting for Corporate America. So I’ve already eaten all the shit I intend to.

            Actually, the probiotics are just starting to help. Thanks for your concern, and for yours also, madz.

            John

            • I recently had a cellulitis infection in my leg. One week in the hospital with two IV bags of antibiotics daily, and then had to report to the hospital every day for two weeks for the same. I have not produced a turd since Memorial day. I look forward to a good turd someday.

              “Youth is wasted on the young.” -George Bernard Shaw

              That ain’t no shit!

  34. Ticking off the mental checklist as I go through the comments today… Unfortunately its a case of; yeah, I noticed that starting or, yeah, got that.

    I’ll add to the list;
    The “winter fat” that used to burn off before summer tends to hang around to next winter.
    Sitting wrong will leave me stooped over with a sore lower back when I stand up until I hobble more than a few steps and have everything ratchet back into position.
    Instant overnight white hairs appearing in my ‘stache. I used to cut them out, now, the population of them means I’d have blotchy bald spots on my face if I continued that practice. On the opposite end, how come that monster ear lobe hair that suddenly appears is pitch black???

  35. The Divine Miss E says:

    I started getting white hairs at 18, now I’m about 50% white. My knees started going at 17. I don’t have bifocals yet, but the first time I was threatened with them, I was about 18. I think this proves I’ve been getting old since high school. I’m 31 now so this can only continue to get more fun.

  36. John in the gump says:

    Getting older and wiser, great. Breaking down and at least one thing, joint, area hurting seemingly always, absofukinglutely bites it. I worked outside and hard long days up until a little after 40. Changed work, inside allot, business bought, in back out there. 30 months and my condition went to shit. I’m 48 and feel like I must be 60. Stay in school kids, manual labor will wear your narrow ass out.

    Ride in the car for 2+hour, got to fight to stand up straight. All the familiar old broke down people stuff. Man, getting old ain’t for pussys.

  37. bikerchick says:

    With my contacts in, I can see distance but need readers to see close up. When they’re out, I need glasses to see distance but can see perfectly clear close up. God forbid I forget my readers while reading a menu in a restaurant. My boyfriend will have to read the menu to me.

    I have developed ringing in my ears. I have to go to sleep with the TV on….otherwise it will drive me out of my mind.

    And once, just once, I would love to be able to sleep the whole night through without waking up to pee or a God damn hot flash. Let me tell you…the very minute I turned 50 last year, the hot flashes started. They are absolutely horrible. And not just a few, but waking up 10-12 times a night soaking wet. Throw the covers off, then freeze once it stops. I spend my nights searching for the cool part of the sheet. So I started taking Estrovin supplements. They have been a Godsend. Hot flashes stopped within 48 hours. It was life changing. I don’t know how women go through life living with hot flashes. I have started getting them again. But just a few every day. I hope this shit doesn’t wear off.

    And if you ever need to know what’s on TV in the wee hours of the night? Call me. I’m up.

  38. Hysterically Awesome Topic.

    yeah- was FINE – until menopause . I had a metabolism that basically let me eat most of what I wanted and in quantities . and I burned it up . .husband even said I was always hot to the touch . .

    Then Menopause – and NOW?

    NOW – at 55? I have to WORK to MAINTAIN being 15 pounds overweight. (THANK GOD I lost the other 22 BEFORE hitting DEEP menopause or . .or . .doesn’t even bear thinking.)

  39. I pee when I sneeze. Or cough. Or laugh.
    Don’t even get me started on my knees. They make so much noise when I stand up, I often get an alarmed “are you ok???” from co-workers who hear it. Oh, and my back! Jesus J. McChrist, how could I forget my back?! Just recently, I mean in the last TWO WEEKS, I’ve had yet another age-related development: I laid down on the floor with my feet in Mr. Q’s lap for a (much-deserved) foot rub. When I went to get up, fuhgeddaboutit – I was locked in place. Took Mr. Q much effort to get me to a semi-upright position. It happened again a week or so later. I will not be laying on the floor again. Ever. I’m a quick study.
    Oh, and I’m only 47.

  40. Well, about a year ago, I decided to quit coloring my hair, as I had been doing that off and on for maybe 35 years. The hairdresser used to give me streaks of blonde when my hair was brown. In later years, I’d buy the package at the pharmacy and put that in my hair for a half hour, for a pretty blonde color. I just decided to get rid of the chemicals on my scalp every 6 or 8 weeks. Surprisingly, my gray hair came in…how do I explain this? Like when the hairdresser would give me the chunky streaks. It was just what I wanted. It’s not mousy and I like it. I eat healthy, am not on any meds at 67, so I am thankful for that. My biggest annoyance is that I could pee every hour or hour and a half if I wanted to. Yes, I still drink plenty of caffeinated coffee, because I like it, and I know that plenty of coffee makes you go….but I can get up 2 or 3 times in the night to pee. How annoying! And sometimes I remember that back in high school, because I didn’t really like to use the girls’ room, I’d just wait until I got home. Just think of it. I probably went to the bathroom at about 7:15 a.m. and left for school. I stayed there until 2, and then the ride home took another 20 minutes or half hour. I can’t believe that I used to be able to hold it for a whole day like that. Bladders are wasted on the young.

  41. Gee, I wish I had time to read all the comments; I’ll bet there is some funny stuff there. Aging has brought me spots. Brown spots, skin-colored spots, rough spots, raised spots, freckles, warts, moles and fatty cysts. If I live much longer, I’ll be one huge rough, brown patch on the earth – sort of like the Sahara.

    That is just ONE of the joys of aging.

  42. I turn 69 on Tuesday. My first grey hair appeared when I was 18; my daughter had her first at 13; her son was about 5. I’m completely white – but most elegant! I do the 5:2 way of eating and I’m fitter than ever before and cutting back on thyroid meds because the system gets fine-tuned with this way of eating. Recommend it highly. (Also called the fasting diet, too easy.)

  43. Great post! Thanks for the laughs. The next sign of old age will be hair growing out of your ears. It’s happened to my husband and it’s gross!
    Yep – old age ain’t for sissies. Hang in there — it only gets worse.