Every year Careerbuilder apparently polls managers and supervisors around the country, and compiles a Top 10 List of the most unbelievable excuses employees have offered them for missing work. You can read the 2014 list here. Or I’ll just make it easy on you, and copy and paste the important parts:
- Employee just put a casserole in the oven.
- Employee’s plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some “tweaking” to get it just right.
- Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.
- Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
- Employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
- Employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was.
- Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
- Employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
- Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
- Employee accidentally got on a plane.
Numbers 3, 5, 7, and 10 are pretty great. The rest? Not so much. In my opinion, anyway. I think we can do better. I’ll start the ball rolling, and turn it over to you guys. Mine date all the way back to 1986, across various jobs in different states. You know, just for the record… and in case Big Brother is watching.
In fact, I just thought of something…. Just a few days ago my brother sent me a text message that said something about one of his coworkers calling in because he “hurt himself” while beating off. I didn’t follow up on it, and that probably makes it better. My mind is racing with scenarios. But I would like to know: is that what he told them? Or is it just a workplace rumor? In any case, let’s get to my list…
A portly gentleman called me, and said he’d fallen through the floor of his mobile home, and been stuck for a while. After I stopped laughing, which was a long time, I thanked him for letting me know.
A woman attempted to call in “stressed out” at one of my former jobs, and the director told her: “You’re REALLY going to be stressed out when you’re waiting in line at the unemployment office.” If that happened today the CNN vans would probably roll on the place, and Gloria Allred would be involved.
A man left a message at one of my jobs saying he’d been in a car wreck, both his feet were swollen, and he couldn’t get his shoes on.
A guy called off at one of my jobs, because a bill collector had contacted him earlier in the day, and upset him so much he wasn’t emotionally able to work.
And then there are a million various wimpy-ass call-offs based in emotion and drama. Like “my roommate is having a bad day,” or “my sister had a terrible argument with her boyfriend” and that sort of thing. It’s amazing to me.
I’m sure I could come up with more, but those are the ones that immediately popped into my head. What do you guys have on this subject? Please share in the comments.
And thanks for reading! I’ll see you again soon.