Pulled Over, Yet Again! Please Share Your Stories

police  lightsA few nights ago I was leaving work around midnight, and blew straight through a stop sign that I blow through almost every night. Oh, I look both ways before the blowing commences, to make sure there’s not a super-rare car on the road. But, as usual, there was nothing shaking in either direction.

So, as I’ve done a million times before, I just kept going. But this time was different. Within seconds – literally seconds – a cop was on my ass with some kind of Times Square-caliber light show going. Sheesh. I’m fairly confident they could’ve spotted that flashing SUV from the International Space Station.

I pulled to the side of the road, and opened the glove compartment to start looking for my registration and insurance cards. I guess he was concerned I was going for a gun or something, and flipped on another set of lights that was so bright it almost caused me to have a seizure. Holy hell!

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asked, once he finally appeared at my window.

“I have a pretty good idea,” I answered, in a non-assholy way. It was more of a resigned ‘you got me’ kind of thing.

He asked to see all my cards, and took them back to his flashbuggy. Dammit! What’s this going to cost me? Two hundred bucks?? I’m an idiot! A fool, and an idiot.

About five minutes later he returned, handed everything back to me, and said, “Drive safely, Mr. Kay. And make sure you stop at all the stop signs from now on. OK?” And that was it. He let me off the hook, probably because of white privilege.

And the very next night… I blew straight through that stop sign again. I wasn’t even thinking, it’s just automatic. Thankfully no cops were lurking this time, but it freaked me out a bit. What the hell is the matter with me? The dumbass never sleeps. Since then I’ve stopped about 75% of the time. The reprogramming is not instant, but it is starting to take hold.

I’ve been pulled over dozens of times in my life, and the cops usually let me go. Certainly not always, but usually. I think it has to do with the fact that I’m respectful, and don’t give any attitude. I learned a long time ago that giving ‘tude to a cop is an invitation to pain.

I know people who claim to have NEVER been pulled over. How is that possible? Do you have any tales to tell on this subject? Assuming you’re like me, and have ample experience with police and their flashbuggies? Please share your stories in the comments section.

My personal favorite happened in South Carolina. I lived in Atlanta at the time, and was driving back from my parents’ house. A cop pulled me over, after I’d exited the interstate looking for a gas station. He was an older black man, and here’s what he said:

“Excuse me. I noticed you have Georgia plates on your car, and I know different states have different laws. I was just curious… In Georgia, if you see a sign that says No U-Turn, does that mean just go ahead and make a u-turn?”

That shit was funny, right there. And he let me go, possibly because I laughed in a non-assholy way, and adopted the tried and true ‘you got me’ posture. I don’t know for sure.

If you have anything on this subject, use the comments section above or below, whatever the hell.

And thank you guys for the donations and positive feedback on the proposed archives project, and eventual return to The West Virginia Surf Report. Things are already in the works. It’s going to be fun! Soon we’ll be back at TheWVSR, and the archives will start to appear as ebooks and paperbacks. There are some funny rants and stories in those old updates. But, holy crap, did I have a foul mouth back then. What was up with that?

Anyway, if you’d like to donate to the cause, here’s your link. Thanks again!

Now I’m going to turn it over to you, and your stories of being pulled over by The Man. Did you ever try to argue? Give the cop a little lip? What happened? Also, how often do you get away with just a warning? Please share.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

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Comments

  1. The Qweezy Mark says:

    I too get let go most of the time, or at least a reduced violation of some sort. Attitude has everything to do with it. After all, I never got pulled over for not doing anything wrong. And yes, white priv1lege rocks!

  2. Der Erste.

    Pulled over for speeding with a pickup truck and an empty horse trailer in Massachusetts. Cop asked me to back it up as I was too close to the exit ramp for his liking. For the life of me I could not get it back up.

    He taunted me with “so, you can roll down the highway forwards at 72 (in a 55) but you can’t back it up at 4 mph?” He was waiting for me to jump all over that comment, but…

    I decided not to bite and I just slumped my shoulders and said sorry. Wisdom, for once, got there first. He became very polite and wrote my ticket out quickly and had me on my way.

    It was a closer call than you think – the blood was rising in my forehead and I almost took the bait that would have wound up with me in the MA State Police station for the better part of an afternoon.

    My only real close call to a bad interaction.

  3. I’ve been pulled over less than 10 times, and have never been given a ticket for anything, which is odd since I drive like I’m on a Quali hot lap fairly often. But I don’t tailgate, or use my phone while driving, or drive after drinking, and I watch my speed around construction zones, and I use my mirrors so I see them coming, and don’t blow through stop signs, and I write sanctimonious run-on sentences.

    I have one of those “friend of the police” cards given to me by a police relative, “just hand it over with your license” he says, but I haven’t tried it out yet.

    Oh, and never give the police permission to search your car. You’ve just consented to them ripping it apart at side of the road. Don’t do that.

  4. As a Man in Dark Blue I suppose I should recuse myself from this discussion.

    • BigbearInOH says:

      As a dispatcher, I’ll also have to recuse myself from this…car stops are the number one scariest part of my job. Give me a hundred dead bodies or a psycho with a knife over my guys facing the unknown possibility of a car stop.

      • As a big sister and aunt of the ladies in blue, I say THANK YOU Jim and Big Bear for your service!

        • You are very kind. Thank you.

        • BigbearInOH says:

          Agreed. Thanks, but I’m just a guy doing my job. My officers are the ones to thank. They handle the pointy ends of every situation I have to send them to. It’s not easy for anyone, especially family.

    • Jerry in WV says:

      Hey Jim, I would like an officer’s take on this one. About 5 years ago I was driving to work. I was traveling with traffic at about 35 miles an hour and I think the posted speed was 20. Suddenly, blue lights flash to my right and a police officer whips out of a parking lot and stops me. I was maybe 3rd in a line of traffic about 10 cars long and he stops me. I pull over within 100 yards, stop the engine and wait. Did not remove my seat belt or my hands from the wheel, other than to turn the ignition off. He had pulled in behind me and in my rear view mirror, I see him sliding up the side of my car with his hand on his pistol. Next thing I know, a deputy sheriff pulls in front blocking me and another to the passenger side. The officer continues his slide to about a foot behind the window, which was down. He told me to slowly get my operators and insurance. I did this and handed them to the officer. The other two officers never left their cars. He told me to sit still. Keep my hands on the wheel and he would be back. He was in his vehicle for maybe 5 minutes . Finally, he gets out of his car at the same time the other two officers drive away. He walks up to my window like he was my best friend, hands me back my stuff and a ticket for going 9 miles an hour over the limit. Tells me to have a nice day and then leaves. I think I had a WTF look on my face for the next 2 hours. No idea what had just happened and got no explanation. Ideas?

  5. I’ve been pulled over a few times … never managed to get off with just a warning – damn ticket EVERY time. GRR.

    Lucky you Jeff! Pass some of that mojo on to the masses will ya?

  6. Got stopped, roadside tested, and let go on my own recognizance once when I should probably been hauled off to the pokey. Was told to ‘get to where you’re going and stay there a while’ was all the permission I needed to engage in a makeout session with the guy I was driving home. Gosh the ’80’s were fun.

  7. Jazzbone Swirly says:

    I got lucky once and had a cop call me a taxi instead of getting a DUI. That probably saved me about 8 grand right there. I wasn’t wasted, but I am sure I was over the legal limit. I behaved badly back when I was a dumb young guy.

  8. I’ve been pulled over twice in the past few years.
    My reaction and attitude is directly inverse to how guilty I know I am of something.
    —————
    On Christmas Eve a few years ago I got pulled over for going 24 in a 25. The cop thought I was in the 15 MPH school zone when he clocked me. I was not.

    I was already fuming since I knew he was just wasting my precious time. I got really pissed when I sat in my truck for almost 10 minutes without him even approaching my truck.

    The following is an abridged version of the report I submitted to the Provost Marshal:—

    Friday, 21 December

    The officer initiated contact immediately after the left turn from Arizona Street to Burns Street.
    I pulled off of Burns into a dirt lot.
    I waited for the Officer to address me. He did not.

    I exited my vehicle to address the yet unidentified concern of the officer. I remained at the driver’s side door of my vehicle.
    Officer Marsh shouted from his vehicle for me to get back in my vehicle.
    I said, “No.”
    I shouted back, “Is there a problem? Why did you pull me over?”
    Officer Marsh repeated his order for me to get back into my vehicle.
    I replied, “Well get out of yours and come here.” I then returned to sitting in the driver’s position of my vehicle.

    After a few minutes, a second patrol car pulled up.

    The two officers approached me and asked for my ID, registration, etc.
    I asked them for their own identification before I turned mine over.
    They simply looked at me without reply. He then asked for my materials again.
    I told them that before I give him my identification, that I needed theirs.
    I confirmed that if I went to provost and referred to Officer Marsh working at 11:30 on 21 December, that the management would know to whom I referred.
    They confirmed this was true.
    I then turned over my driver’s license, vehicle registration, and proof of insurance to the officers.
    One officer then explained that he clocked me as speeding through a school zone. He stated that I was traveling at 24 MPH in the 15 MPH school zone. I contested this accusation (with several claims that the accusation was “bullshit”).

    Officer Marsh returned to his vehicle. Officer Conte remained to observe me.

    Officer Conte said that if Officer Marsh had not pulled me over then he (Conte) would have.
    I do not know Officer Conte’s location at the time in question. I do not know why Officer Conte made this statement.
    I asked Conte why Marhs had sat behind my vehicle and waited so long to address me. Conte stated that it was policy to wait for a second patrol before addressing people during traffic stops.
    I said, “That’s fucking retarded.”
    Officer Conte made no reply.

    By this time, a third officer had arrived on scene. The third officer was a Sergeant.

    The Sergeant remained at the rear of my vehicle.

    Officer Marsh returned to my vehicle with a citation.
    Officer Marsh again accused me of traveling faster than the speed limit in a school zone. Officer Marsh then explained that he decided not to cite me speeding in a school zone. He did not explain what the citation was for at that point, but simply stated that he decided I was not in a school zone. Officer Marsh explained that I can either pay the ticket or call the 1-800 number on the ticket for instructions to contest the citation.

    While Officer Marsh was interacting with me, Officer Conte left the scene.

    I asked Officer Marsh where to find his supervisor.
    Officer Marsh indicated that the SGT still on scene was his supervisor.
    At this point, the SGT had moved near the passenger door of my vehicle.
    I asked Officer Marsh if I could get out of my vehicle to address the SGT.
    Officer Marsh said, “It’s up to him.” Referring to the SGT.
    The SGT said I had to stay in the vehicle for safety reasons.
    I said, “I don’t have to do shit.”
    I then asked him what safety concerns are there in an empty dirt lot?
    The SGT said i could step out of the vehicle if I wanted to.

    I asked the SGT who his supervisor was.
    The SGT stated that he (his supervisor) would be at the MP desk and gave me the cross street location of the MP station. I followed the SGT to the MP station.

    The Army SGT explained that the officer gave me a ticket for a lesser violation that speeding through a school zone. He went on to explain that if the ticket were for a school zone violation it could cost double.
    If I contested the citation before a judge, the judge could double the fine.

    I agreed with the Army SGT that it would be a great deal for someone who was in fact speeding in a school zone to be charged with the lesser crime. However, since I was not speeding in any zone, I would be then be agreeing to the fact that I committed a crime that I did not commit, regardless of the cost of the violation. I claimed that I could pay two or three times the cost of the ticket and that the cost was not my problem. The fact that I had been accused of something I did not do was the problem.

    I also explained that by Officer Marsh’s own admission, with the lesser citation, that I was not speeding in a school zone; which is supposedly the moving violation Officer Marsh was addressing by pulling me over.

    The Army SGT then stated that I could call the number on the citation if I wanted to contest it, or come to the MP station on Monday (24 December) at 0900 if I wanted to speak with the Master Sergeant in charge.

    I have been accused with “speed greater than reasonable or prudent”.
    At the time in question, I was traveling at a speed below the indicated maximum speed in both the 25 MPH traffic zone and the 15 MPH school zone.

    I arrived at the MP station as instructed the week prior, at 0900.

    I asked the Desk sergeant if there was video of the time of accusation. He confirmed there was.
    I asked to see the video.
    The Desk Sergeant said that he cannot see it, and that JAG were the only ones that could pull video evidence.
    The Desk Sergeant told me that the only way to contest the ticket would be to bring it to court and let the JAG lawyers figure it out, since officers could not overturn other officer’s citations.
    The Desk Sergeant went on to say that if it was brought to court then one of two things could happened. Either the ticket would be thrown out and forgotten, or I would have to pay the fine (and no more) indicated on the citation. (This does not match what is written on the back of the violation accusation.)

    I had diagrams and statements of law and traffic judgments of the past and all kinds of shit.

    Eventually all this got to the JAG office and they called me in. They said that my report was both more detailed and more accurate than the officer’s. They cleared the charge.

    ———-

    The next time was in town, rather than on post.
    I was going about 40 in a 25. (Fucking 25MPH zones are everywhere.)
    It’s a long stretch of desert road with infinite visibility. I saw the cop, but he just looked like someone who parked in their front yard.

    The cop flashed his lights and I pulled over before I even even crossed him.
    He pulled out of the yard and parked across the street from me.
    He immediately got out of his car and came to my window.

    Cop: You live around here?
    Me: No, why?
    Cop: You might not be familiar with the speed limit. You know what it is through here?
    Me; (Lying), No, I didn’t notice.
    Cop: It’s 25.
    Me: Holy crap, I was going way faster than that.
    Cop: Yeah. A lot of people run and bike on this street. Keep it at 25 from now on.

    Then he got in his car and drove away.
    No ticket.

    • I was totally enthralled by this.

      • MikefromLI says:

        He lost me at Provost

        • I think Provost is an academic title. I know Marshall is a brand of rock-n-roll amplifiers.
          .

          • johnthebasket says:

            Provost is a town in Alberta that is 169 miles west of Saskatoon. By coincidence, I met a little girl whose name was June just a little bit south of Saskatoon.

            I got off the bus at inverse.

    • And you guys got the abridged version.

      I had 15 pages of crap, with details down to feet and minutes.

      • MikefromLI says:

        And 27 8×10 color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one?

        • And I was sittin’ there on the Group W bench. It seems like some of us are of a certain age. Just sayin’.
          .

          • littering. and being a public nuisance….some of us aren’t of a certain age, just listen to a lot of different music.

            • johnthebasket says:

              Listening to a lot of different music is a good thing. Being of a certain age is a little different in that one can experience a visceral reaction to external stimuli, causing the arm on the cerebral jukebox to slide over 500 notches to another time and place. A night full of rain and too much drama might cause the corpus callosum to short out and begin to play, “It was raining hard in ‘Frisco. I needed one more fare to make my night…”. I swear this has happened to me.

  9. Steve in WV says:

    I made it nearly 20 years with only one cop stop, until I moved to the town I live in now. Since moving here three years ago, I have been pulled over twice by the asshole cops/fundraisers, who are essentially paying their own salary by enforcing bullshit speed limits.

    This is the same town that tried to annex half of the county and their was such an uprising, they dropped the issue. Now, the asshole cops are even bigger assholes enforcing even more fucktard traffic rules.

    I sincerely wish these asshat cops would stop prosecuting people who are just trying to get from A to B and concentrate on the shoplifters, drug dealers, and other riffraff.

  10. Steve in WV says:

    *there

    Dammit.

  11. johnthebasket says:

    If you gotta play at garden parties,
    I wish you a lot of luck
    But if memories were all I sang,
    I’d rather drive a truck

    But it’s all right now,
    I learned my lesson well
    Because you can’t please everyone
    So you gotta please yourself

  12. I’ve never been ticketed, only let off with warnings. I show no attitude, say as little as possible and move on.

    I did one time ask the cops in charge of a license check in the middle of a weeknight which supervisor they pissed off to get this assignment? That got a few chuckles and I was waved through without any hassle.

  13. Skippy in WV says:

    I was told this by a current WV State Trooper… If you ever get pulled over turn the car off, roll down the window and hold the keys outside the car and turn your dome light on. Since I learned this info, I’ve been pulled over twice, and driven away with nothin but written warnings (one instance I was goin 12mph above the limit).

    • Aside – it amuses me how “roll down the window” has persisted as an expression. When was the last time you literally rolled down a window? Button down the window, perhaps. It’s like the mime for “call me”, where we use a giant 1980’s wired telephone handset, not a iPhone.

      • The last time I rolled down a window was in the spring of 2000. But I “dialed” a phone number today. And I constantly hear digital video recording (as on a smartphone) referred to as “videotaping.” My dad used to call the refrigerator the icebox. On and on.
        .

  14. I’ve been stopped by the five-oh many times, though not lately (knock on wood). I can only recall one such occasion where I did not get a ticket. It’s pretty much always been for speeding. I never saw the humor in the situation.
    .

  15. I was pulled over last summer in a less than savory part of Charleston, WV. I was hopelessly lost, and had called a (local) friend to try and get me out of there. The officer asked if I knew why I had been pulled over, and pointed at a billboard across the road which stated “No cellphones while driving”. The law had gone into effect the PREVIOUS WEEK. When he realized that I was lost and from another state, he let me go.
    He advised me to put my phone on “Speaker” and place it in my lap. He even tried to help me find my way back to the highway. No ticket was given, and he couldn’t have been nicer or more professional.
    __________________________________________

    I was pulled over (locally) 11 years ago, allegedly for speeding down a hill (to a red light). The police officer followed me for over a mile before pulling me over, then proceeded to be SO awful that it really freaked me out. He gave me a ticket for going 55 in a 25 MPH zone. Considering there were no tire marks to the red light AND I didn’t hit the vehicles waiting there, well, I (silently) disagreed.

    It didn’t help that my 4 year old was in the back seat, sobbing, “Momma’s gonna go to PRIII-SON!” I was sent to open court 2 weeks later, meaning that I was sitting with gang bangers and pedophiles. I was so freaked out that I (accidentally) requested a continuance. When I returned to court 2 months later, the ADA took 1 look at my file, then at my green, panicked face and recommended that the charges be dropped. The officer was at the side of the courtroom, glaring at me the entire time.

    I avoided driving into our small town until I heard that he had transferred elsewhere.

  16. Driving home one night after working 3-11, I was pulled over. I was in the middle of nowhere and had no idea what I’d done. I turned on the inside lights and put both hands on the steering wheel (as I’d been told to do by a cop friend). He asked if I knew why I’d been pulled over, I just said, “No, sir, I don’t.” He replied, “Ma’am, you have no lights in the back, I didn’t even see brake lights when you pulled over.” I was shocked, and I guess he figured I wasn’t faking. He asked where I lived, and offered to follow me home (I wasn’t far) so no one would run right up on me. I accepted, and he told me to get it fixed the next day. No ticket, and a kind gesture that potentially saved me from being hit on a dark country road. A wire had come loose, my husband fixed. I’ve also been stopped at a license check, same time of night, and was told by the officer that nurses were great and to be careful going home. I had a car accident in 12th grade (totally stupid mistake) with my 4 year old sibling in the car. The cop was awesome. When I tearfully refused to give him my dad’s phone number because “he’ll kill me!” he promised he wouldn’t let my dad kill me. When it came time to move the car to a side street while paperwork was done, he drove mine (I was a nervous mess). He let my sibling sit in his lap and play with his badge while he wrote my ticket. The guy I hit was also very kind, I guess it helped that I looked 12 and was crying my eyes out (holding a preschooler who kept telling everyone “daddy is going to be mad at her for making the car go CRASH!”) Then the cop insisted to my dad that I go to court to contest the ticket–and he scheduled my court date on a day he was in training, so the ticket was thrown out. My dad didn’t kill me, but he did make me go to court by myself.

  17. I get a ticket about half the time, always polite, etc. I’ve got two good stories.

    The first was a warning . When I was in high school I was driving the car my dad let me use on my way to pick up my brother from school. I was going about 30 in a 25 and got pulled over. The cop asked for my papers and I complied. After a minute he came back and asked me who paid for the car insurance (I paid for mine) and he explained that if he gave me a ticket my insurance would go up. He offered to give me a warning instead, but would like to call my dad. I complied, and got off with a warning. Much more effective than a ticket, I really appreciated what he did.

    The second story I got a ticket. I was driving though the middle of nowhere, WV from WVU to my Marine Corps reserve unit in VA for my monthly drill. I was going the same way I went every month and was surprised to see an old, beat up 1990s Jeep with a light on top pull out behind me. It only vaguely resembled a police car but I pulled over anyways. Hillbilly cops walks up and tells me I’m going 55 in a 45. I point out the sign down the road a ways that says 45 mph zone ahead and let him know the speed limit is 55 in this area. He tells me I can take it up in court and gives me my ticket. I was going to fight this because I was clearly in a 55 mph zone so I take pictures and notes to back up my story. Well I get home a few days later and look into the court date and notice the local judge or whoever I had to meet with in this small town to fight my case had the same last name as the cop who pulled me over. That’s when it dawned on me that the cop knew the whole time that I wasn’t speeding, this was just a speed trap, and no matter what I did I was gonna loose this case so I ended up just paying the ticket. 5 years later and I still get angry thinking about that shitty, thieving town.

  18. I can only recall getting pulled over once. We were on our way to church with about five or six kids in the back seat and obviously had more kids back there than seat belts–which seemed like a good idea at the time. We get off the freeway and are on a side street when I see the car with the bubble gum machine on the roof right behind us. He flashed his lights at me and I instantly broke out into a cold sweat knowing that there weren’t enough seat belts to go around, which might become a huge problem. However, as the officer came out of the car, all I could see was nothing but an ornery, toothy grin as he approached. It turned out that the cop was my brother-in-law and he just wanted to say “hi” to everybody before we got to church. I don’t exactly recall, but I may have needed a fresh pair of pants before going to services that day. He scared the crap out of me, but we laughed like idiots afterwards!

  19. In an aforementioned post ^ I come from a law enforcement family (a phrase I used twice to get out of a ticket). I live in a small town that relies on people getting pulled over to pay the local PD salary. I was pulled over for doing a right on red. And for “not stopping at a stop sign” boolshit stop and once for speeding. The right on red I ended up paying (long story I won’t bore you with the details). The not stopping at a stop sign I went to court, the cop wanted me to plead to not wearing a seat belt. Told him I wouldn’t do that as I “come from a law enforcement family” and was sent on my merry way. The last speeding ticket the cop also wanted to give me a Not wearing seatbelt ticket and I pulled the I come from a law enforcement family. The cop MADE me call my sister right there and then because the card I had was from 1999. He yelled at my sister “And for crissakes, get your sister a new card!” I don’t like pulling that Get Out Of Jail Free crap, but like I said – small town – big ticket squad.

    I also got a few parking tickets in NYC which, alas, my sister and niece have no control over. Now I just pay the friggin’ $43 and put my car in a garage.

    • So the “get out of jail free” card is an actual real thing? Who knew?

      And last week I paid “only” $37 to park overnight at a garage at 4th Ave. and 10th St.
      .

      • I spent 5 hours on Sunday – garage was 8th and 57th. $43.00 !that burned my ass. Rip off bastards. Could NOT find street parking naturally.

  20. PattyBoots says:

    I got a warning for having a 16 month, yes, SIXTEEN MONTH, dead WV inspection sticker. I’m sure it helped being young, blonde and a butterface.

    • How did being a butterface help? I am confused.

      • Swami Bologna says:

        She must have a hot ass & tits. (“Everything’s hot but ‘er….”)

        • I understand what the expression means, I just don’t see how it helps when pulled over by the police, unless he issued the ticket from the safe distance of his patrol car. If anything, being a butterface ought to result in extra tickets for the disappointment 🙂

  21. I have a loose theory I want to test when I next get pulled over. What do you think? The premise is to think about what the policeman wants. With some exceptions, it’s perhaps respect and power. So what if, in a very respectful manner, you ask him or her if he or she has the power to let you (me) off? Would a question that was subtly about their own power be too blatant or might it appeal the the officer’s desire to affirm their power?

  22. johnthebasket says:

    Instead of box scores this week, I thought a brief refresher of pesäpallo might be in order. Enjoy this brief YouTube tutorial on the Finnish sport whose history is only prologue to its future, and check out the advanced graphics…jtb

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFJMZnEmxrk

    • Thank you, John, for that edifying tutorial. I like how their uniforms are covered with sponsorships, like F1 drivers. And with no pitcher per se, the despised “designated hitter” becomes a non-issue. I also learned that Google Translate only does text, not audio.

      Speaking of sports, I was recently reminded of the existence of Buzkashi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buzkashi.
      .

      • johnthebasket says:

        Thanks, Chill, for bringing to the attention of the soon-to-be-once-again surf reporters the existence of the fine sport of Buzkashi. Perhaps the notion of dragging the carcass of a dead goat up and down the playing field is somewhat foreign to the first world sensibilities of the Reporter community, but I worked in corporate America for 40 years, and the sport brings back fond memories of those days.

        The Wikipedia entry rightly mentions “Vevek from the clan of shadows” as the greatest player ever. I have his rookie card, and will part with it only when wants become needs which, based upon current income, might come as soon as next Tuesday.

        I was, alas, unable to find box scores of any recent matches. The search continues.

        John

  23. johnthebasket says:

    Steve Sarkisian represents the USC football program perfectly. Assholes.

    jtb

  24. Off topic, but anybody who liked the macaroni and beef story is sure to appreciate this one. It’s a comment to a Guardian story where they invited readers to submit their tales of “holidays from hell.”

    http://discussion.theguardian.com/comment-permalink/58086526
    .

  25. johnthebasket says:
  26. A few years ago, wheeling down Rt. 13 with three buddies, golf clubs, and a lot of beer. We just crossed into Maryland. Four lane, divided highway. I’m doing about 70 in a 55. We pass a speed check car behind a billboard, but he doesn’t move. No worries, we think.

    About a mile down the road, here’s a guy in a safety vest the middle of the left lane, standing there, waving me over?!?!?!?!!? I almost didn’t stop…I mean, what legitimate cop does this on a busy four lane highway? But there were two police cars there, and another car pulled over with NY plates (I’m from PA). Sure enough, they were pinching what looked like every out of state plate that came by the car too fast. As he’s writing me up, the other trooper finishes with his car, and walks into the middle of the road and pulled over a car with NJ plates.

    Anyway, I get a $110 ticket, with the option to go fight it in Annapolis. Sure, I’ll get right on that. So, they made some bucks on me and I’m sure a lot of other folks who weren’t going to fight it. We’re all still amazed at this method of pulling cars over. Were I the rookie (apparently) trooper being told to go walk into the middle of traffic to pull people over, I think I’d have told the Chief where to stick his hat.

  27. Swami Bologna says:

    LAST!!!!

  28. ChuckinBelpre says:

    It makes my hands hurt to read all that. You people do go on.

  29. I’ll get the light.