Call me unsophisticated if you’d like, but I’ve never been a fan of weird shit from the ocean floor. All my life people have fallen over themselves, talking about how much they love crab legs and shrimp, and other freaky-ass monsters of the deep. Shrimp is horrible, it’s basically bugs. And if I have to use tools to crack open a hard-shell covering… I’m not too far removed from busting skulls and eating brains. Right? I’ve been dragged to expensive seafood buffets before, and it was enough to trigger a week of nightmares. Is that a pot pie with spider legs? Shit!
Especially board games, but I also include “party games” like Pictionary, and crap like that. I’m a very busy man, and don’t have time to enter into artificial competition with assholes and dullards, at a dining room table in Swamp Ass, Pennsyvlania. I never even liked drinking games, even at the height of my debauchery years. I’ll calibrate the speed at which I ingest this case of Busch Ice tall-boys, thank you very much.
Cheech & Chong
These guys were 85% unfunny, 15% mildly amusing. Yet, when I was in high school everybody thought they were the absolute pinnacle of hilarity. I don’t hate ’em, I just don’t like ’em all that much. Comedy is supposed to make you laugh, isn’t it? That’s the root of the problem with Cheech & Chong, I think.
Babies and children
I occasionally enjoy my own kids, but that’s about where it ends. I have trouble seeing the adorableness of every little shit that comes down the pike. Those babies on Facebook? They all look like Lou Grant to me. And the way they mispronounce words, etc.? Get your shit together, toddlers! If you can talk, you can talk right.
Oh, I guess he was OK if you’re really into nine-minute “songs” with a dozen time-changes each, and a 45 year old man talk-singing bathroom humor over the top. I’m admittedly not an expert, but have been subjected to more than my fair share of Zappa music. You know, on account of me graduating high school in 1981. And what was the deal with that guy? Did he suffer from severe Attention Deficit Disorder? I always wanted to scream: FOCUS! It’s not necessary to stuff 25 half-baked ideas into each song. Yeah, I know… they were all master musicians, and I just don’t understand. Whatever. I’ll take Billy Squier, any day.
I have more, but I’m all out of time. I’ll do a follow-up post on this subject in the near future. But, in the meantime, please share your own lists with us. Use the comments link.
And don’t forget: Use our Amazon links while doing your holiday shopping. Here’s one, to make it easy on ya. And another, for the good folks in Canada. Use it, even if you’re buying Zappa CDs. Thank you guys!
I’ll see you again soon.