Crazed Minivan Mom Throws Epic Hissy-Fit, Begins Chanting, “Go fat boy! Go fat boy!”
According to this article, the guy who filmed the above video drove past a woman who was stopped in the middle of the street, looking at her phone. This infuriated her, and you can watch what happens next. But be careful if you’re at work… She’s one foul-mouthed soccer mom.
A few thoughts:
- The kid in the passenger seat doesn’t look surprised about what’s going on, he seems to be thinking, “not again.” I have a feeling this woman has “encounters” everywhere she goes, and is “unjustly” barred from many local businesses.
- I don’t like the way she drives her minivan: all that revving and braking, and whatnot. It can’t be good for the transmission and motor. I’m sure the warranty doesn’t cover damage due to crazy.
- I also don’t like the way she curses, there’s a weird cadence to some of it. Fatass should be said as one word, for instance, not fat, then ass. Right? She also does it a couple of times with asshole. The first time she gets it right, then adds a space between the two words. This bothers me, and I think it should be reviewed by the Cussing Council.
- I was somewhat sympathetic to her point of view, willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, until she started all that cocky “Oh really? Oh really? stuff, with pigeon-style head-bobs, and rapper-like arm gestures. At that point she became hardened white trash in my eyes.
- I must admit though… “Go fat boy! Go fat boy!” was a nice touch. I have to give credit where credit is due.
The woman turned herself in, after the video went viral, and was arrested. In this article she tells the reporter, “I don’t totally 100 percent regret it.” Which says it all, I think.
Man Drops Dead at Sperm Bank While Attempting to Make Yet Another Deposit
Zheng Gang, showing off his magic hand in the above photo, reportedly died of a heart attack while attempting to conjure a donation at a Chinese sperm bank — his fourth such visit in a little over a week. Some thoughts:
- The New York Post calls this guy a “marathon masturbator.” But, come on. Four times in ten days, at the age of 23? That’s what’s known as a standard maintenance regimen. In fact, it feels a bit light.
- However… his repeated visits to a sperm bank is pretty weird. If he and his wife were having trouble conceiving, or if he was doing it for cash, I could understand it a little easier. But it sounds like he was donating for humanitarian reasons. Wotta freak. He was either a complete nut, or a full-blown narcissist: “I will not rest until all the world has access to my glorious seed.”
- One of the articles I read said Zheng was cremated. But I hope his family kept his right hand, at least, and used it as a candle holder.
- The photo of the giving room, here, is pretty interesting. Is that a bed? I don’t understand. Also, it appears there’s a big window. How’d you like to be walking down that street, and innocently look to your left? The sink is a given, and I appreciate the permanent full-bush photo mounted on the wall. But, needless to say, I’d never set foot inside that dank jackatorium. Blecch.
- Finally, I don’t mean to be insulting, but is there really a need to take a shopping cart down the aisle of Sperm City — in China, of all places? Don’t they have an overpopulation problem there, as it is? Sure, I know it’s premium Zhengload, but still…
RIP Zheng. You died doing what you loved best.
Kanye West Stops Concert, Refuses to Continue Until Kid in Wheelchair Stands Up
This story kills me. At a concert in Australia on Friday, Kanye West was annoyed because not EVERYONE was up dancing. So, he stopped the show, and tried to shame them to their feet. The problem? Both holdouts were disabled. One waved a prosthetic leg above her head, to which Kanye replied, “OK, you fine.”
Then he turned his attention to a kid in a wheelchair. This leads to my favorite line of the article: The crowd was reportedly trying to clue Kanye in to his epic blunder, with the entire section making wheelchair signals with their arms. Wheelchair signals! Man, that’s good stuff.
What was it President Obama called Kanye? Oh, that’s right, a jackass. Pass the beer nuts.
I’ll see you guys again on Thursday.
Have a great day, my friends!