Thankfully, I haven’t found myself in too many situations where I felt the need to call 911. In fact, I can only remember three instances, and I’m not 100% sure about one of those. But I’ll give you a quick rundown, and turn it over to you guys. How’s that sound? Good. Let’s get started.
In Atlanta, a million years ago, Toney and I were stopped at a red light in separate cars, for some reason. And while we waited… a Camaro or somesuch redneck vehicle came sailing through the intersection. It was traveling at a high rate of speed, apparently trying to beat the yellow light. But, it didn’t go so well. They clipped the back-end of another car, and went airborne. It was an amazing thing to see, like something off The Dukes of Hazzard. The Camaro corkscrewed through the air, and landed upside down a half-block away. Or so it seemed.
Everybody jumped out of their cars, shouting, “Holy shit!” over and over. I had a gigantic car phone, the kind that came in a shoebox-sized vinyl case, with a cord and full-sized receiver. I called 911 immediately, and the woman who answered told me they’d already received “multiple” calls. WTF?? It felt like I’d started dialing while the car was still in the air. Wotta ripoff. I wanted the credit. Oh well.
Amazingly enough, there were no injuries. But the car was all jacked-up. I might just be imagining this, but it seems like “Gimme Three Steps” was blaring from its speakers, the whole time.
Also in Atlanta, my car was broken into many times. Once some degenerate stole a basket of my clean laundry off the backseat. And talk about a violation! There’s probably some junkie walking around in a pair of my 1992 underwear right now, in that shithole of a city.
But I’m not even sure I called the cops on that one. I’d already become jaded and hip to the way of the world by then. The first time someone knocked out one of the windows of my car, and stole my stereo and a cupholder full of change, I was upset and called 911.
Ha! And I was promptly given another number to call, which was nothing but voicemail and prompts to “Push 1 for home break-ins,” “2 for vehicle break-ins,” etc. There were no follow-ups, or anything of the sort. Atlanta cops have MUCH BIGGER fish to fry, than my piss-ant little Hyundai-invasion.
Finally, we called the fire department once while living here. I don’t think we called 911, we just found a number to call the fire department directly. Because it didn’t feel like a real emergency.
I’d gone down to the basement that day, and there was a super-strong smell of kerosene or something similar. What the? Toney and I were baffled, because we don’t store anything like that in the basement. It was breathtakingly strong, and I was afraid the house might explode. But I didn’t want to call 911, and have a half-dozen fire trucks show up.
So, I called the fire department directly, and begged them to just send somebody over in an SUV, or whatever, to check things out. But… they went full-blown warehouse fire on our ass. The volunteer siren went off, we could hear what sounded like ten fire trucks wailing and honking, and in short order every neighbor was out on their porch, stretching their necks to see what was going on.
One of the guys jumped off the first truck with an axe(?!) in his hands, and they all came running toward our house. I was standing right inside the door, thankfully, or they probably would’ve knocked it down.
“Come on, man! Why the big production? This isn’t necessary,” I said, completely mortified.
“It’s required,” one of them told me.
“What were you planning to do with that axe?” I asked, and received no answer.
Turns out, some neighbor dumped kerosene down the sewer, and the smell was coming up through the drains in our basement. Probably Half-Shirt, or one of his dipshit sons. Good stuff.
The lesson I learned that day: don’t call the fire department until the roof collapses, at least. Sheesh. I felt like a complete dumbass. I’m surprised they didn’t have helicopters circling in the sky.
Heh. In Atlanta you get nothing, and here you get way too much. And so it goes.
Have you ever called 911? If so, please tell us about it. Use the comments section, to bring us up to date on it.
And I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
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