How you guys doing? It’s been a monkey-hive of activity here in the Upper Pierogi Belt. And in case you should care about the details, I’ll now give you a brief rundown…
High school graduation
The older boy successfully navigated the treacherous waters of… putting on gym clothes every day, and received his high school diploma.
That’s him in the middle up there, with two of his ne’er-do-well friends. Smoking a freaking cigar. Fantastic.
The day before that photo was taken, I passed him driving home from his job. Or at least I thought he was going home… He didn’t show up, so I texted him and asked for his 20. “Work,” he replied. Bullshit.
I told him I’d seen him leaving work thirty minutes prior, and he said, “I’m buying cigars with Matt.” No “sorry for lying like a Singapore hooker,” or anything of the sort.
I asked Toney what the hell was going on, and she said there’s a decades-old tradition that the boys fire up a cigar outside the brick gates of the football stadium, immediately after graduating. Whatever.
The ceremony was standard fare, but better organized than I would’ve predicted. They kept things under control, and didn’t allow it to turn into a drawn-out snooze-a-thon. For that I was thankful.
It was hot, though. I sat there worried that my ass was sweating through my pants. I was concerned I’d be emblazoned with the big horseshoe o’ shame when we got up to leave. But I think it worked out OK. As far as I know, the illusion of a dry ass was maintained.
It wasn’t a big to-do, but we had a few people at our house that night, and a spread of food. It went OK. The boy seemed genuinely surprised that people were making such a big deal about high school graduation. But he enjoyed the envelopes of cash he kept receiving. He said it made him feel like Tony Soprano.
Steve came by, and we had a couple of beers. We’ve known each other since second or third grade. I’d like to think I’d drive 75 miles to celebrate the graduation of his son, if he had one and the roles were reversed. I’m reasonably sure I’d do it… Maybe. In any case, Steve’s a good friend. I really appreciated him being there.
My parents’ visit
My folks arrived on Saturday, and stayed until Tuesday. They’re easy, so there’s not much to report. There was a lot of Dunbar talk, which gets old, but it goes with the territory. It was a lot of this kind of thing:
Mom: Jeff, do you remember the Elliots?
Mom: The Elliots. I think they lived on 19th Street. Or was it 20th? John?! Where did the Elliots live?
Mom: The Elliots!
Dad: Which Elliots? Barney and Carol?
Mom: Oh dear god… no. The other Elliots! I think his name was Gene? …Maybe Gary?
And once one of those conversational roundabouts are set into motion, they can go on for a good long time. Maybe hours. The best part? I never had any idea who they were talking about. None whatsoever.
But they were good guests. There was a minimum of molar grinding on my part, and that’s saying something. Especially after three days. They took us out to dinner on Sunday, and gave the boy a shocking amount of cash. I don’t think they gave me that much when I graduated… but who can remember? It was so long ago, this kind of thing was considered to be some funny-ass shit.
Beers with Nancy & Nostrils
Yep, Eninen passed through town on Sunday, on their way back from Canada. I hadn’t seen them in a couple of years. Their see-through children are really tall now, especially the older one. He paced around a lot, and constantly snapped his fingers, which was odd. But they all acted reasonably normal.
Toney and I went out for a few beers with Nancy and Nostrils that evening, and I hate to disappoint you guys… but I think she’s mellowing. She actually said something about having to endure “one of those idiotic diversity seminars,” which blew my mind. Idiotic?! That’s not the Nancy I know.
We sucked down two or three Rebel IPAs with them at Damon’s, and they both seemed like regular folks. What the hell, man? I think they’re beaten down and tired, and no longer have the energy to be correct about everything. It’s still in there, I know, but not so much on display. At least not during the small amount of time we spent with them. They’re coming back for a real visit in August, though. We’ll see how that one goes.
And I need to call it day, my friends. Before I go though, I need your help with something. Below is the amount of toilet paper we have in our house right now. There is no more. So, what do you think? Is it enough for one session? I’ve been drinking coffee all morning, so I’m going to need your answer ASAP.
Should I rush to the store, Frankenstein-walk in there and buy another bundle? Or just go for it? If necessary, I guess I could supplement with the bathroom rug? Please help me out with this urgent decision. I think something is about to happen.
Heh. It’s important work we do here…
Thank you guys for supporting this new site. It feels like it’s going pretty well. What do you think? Any thoughts, a few weeks in? If you have suggestions, please don’t be shy about sharing them.
And I’ll see you again on Monday!
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