But according to this poll, only about 60% of people claim to have had sex in a car. The writer of the article seems to be surprised the number is so high, and I’m surprised it’s so low. I would’ve guessed 90% would have answered YES. Maybe some people don’t like to admit it? Is there some kind of stigma attached to getting it on inside a Chevy Nova parked behind a KFC that I’m not aware of?
Anyway, what’s your thinking on this? Does the 60% number feel low to you, or high? Also, do you have any stories to share on the subject? I do.
Surprises on a country road
I grew up near Charleston, WV, which is… you know, a city of sorts. Many people think the entire state is rural, but it ain’t. My upbringing was strictly suburban.
However, you could drive ten or fifteen miles in any direction and you’d be out in the country. We used to grab 12 packs of beer and drive and drive and drive. Man, the shit you could see…
And during those misguided adventures, I somehow decided a certain road was perfect for parking. I don’t know why I believed it was better than any other country road, but it was a regular destination for a while.
I probably couldn’t find it today, but it was not far from Camp Virgil Tate, which is — ironically enough — where I attended “church camp” when I was a kid. I completed several successful missions there, but also ran into some trouble.
Once, my girlfriend and I were parked and a group of genuine hillbillies descended on my car. Thankfully we weren’t doing anything, ’cause God only knows what would’ve happened…
They were like something straight out of a movie. They were in overalls… a couple of them were wearing straw hats… And there were rifles, multiple rifles. Holy shitballs!
They wanted to know what the hell we were doing, and I began babbling like an idiot. Within seconds they realized we were just a couple of dumbass kids, and not up to anything malicious. They said something about gas wells, and that we needed to “git.” I didn’t need to be told twice, and we got.
Another time we were on that road, in a different spot, and my girlfriend suddenly screamed. Alarmed, I turned and there was a horse standing there — a big ol’ horse. While my brain processed this, he stuck his head inside the passenger side window, took a look around, and just casually wandered off. Wotta perv.
Driving home from the mall
This is pure insanity, and it’s the kind of thing that makes me to worry every time one of our kids leave the house. ‘Cause when you’re young, you can make some really stupid-ass decisions… At least I did.
I was driving home from the mall in Huntington one night with my girlfriend, and something must’ve been going on inside that car. I can’t remember what precipitated it, but I ended up pulling my vehicle onto the shoulder of the interstate, turning on the flashers, and having a “romance” right then and there.
We were on I-64! A few feet away from high-speed traffic!! Tractor trailers were barreling past at 80 mph. Man, you wanna talk about dumb…
But, the deed was done, and we continued with our travels. Hormones are an amazing thing.
Caught by the cops!
I’ve told this story more than once, but it’s a good one. We were parked in Dunbar, up in the woods behind a doctor’s office. And suddenly, without a hint of a warning, several flashlights were shining into my car from multiple directions.
What the?! We weren’t leading up to something, and we weren’t recently finished… we were DOING IT. It was emotional whiplash, the likes of which I’d never known.
And we nearly turned the car over, flailing and thrashing and trying to get covered up. I think she had the floor mat in front of her, and I was doing the best I could with a Madness cassette or whatever. Of course everything was deflating at a rapid pace… so it wasn’t all that difficult.
It was three or four Dunbar cops, all trying not to laugh. They asked for my ID, and I had to go hunting for my pants. One of them said, “Jeff Kay? Hey, are you John’s boy?” Then they were really snickering. Great!
The cop in charge passed me my underwear with a flashlight, and told us to get dressed. It was horrible. But they let us go with a lecture, and promised not to tell my dad. Yet, somehow he found out. Shocking, huh? He didn’t have much to say about it, though.
Following that deep-dish humiliation we went back to my girlfriend’s house, and just sat silently on the couch for a few moments, shell-shocked. Then we looked at each other, and started laughing. And we couldn’t stop for a long time.
There were other incidents, like the one in Charleston, SC I mentioned a few days ago. Also, there was a “romance” in the parking lot of the Charleston Civic Center, during a Moody Blues concert. The music was boring, so we adjusted our plan.
But it was all a long time ago. It’s a young person’s game, this backseat business.
Do you have any tales to tell on the subject? Are you in the 60%, or the 40? Please bring us up to date on this most pressing of issues.
And I’ll see you guys again next time.
Have a great day!
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